Object jokes
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I love still things.
Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!
I would tell a clock joke, but I don't have time.
How do you get ten babies in a bucket?
With a blender.
What is the difference between a human and a can?
A human can walk and a can cannot walk.
"Knife to meet ya."
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.
What ankle is getting cut off of school? The lights.
What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.
I had a dream about being forced to eat a huge marshmallow.
I woke up and my pillow was gone.
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.
Ya, I have a Hydro Flask.
H: My Y: Grandpa D: Sticks R: His O: Cock F: Up L: My A: Ass S: K:
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.
I tried to find my watch I lost last week, but I didn't have the time.
What do you call a mug? A mug dummy.
Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A: A bus full of children.
What did the flag say to the pole?
Nothing, he just waved.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.