Nut jokes
What do you call a vegan slut?
A garden ho!
The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"
Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"
"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."
"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"
What's bad? A nut allergy.
Lick my nut.
What happened to the police that crossed the road?
They solved a murder involving the nut case.
lol again
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.
What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?
You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
You know Bofa? Bofa deez nuts.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
What kind of tree fits into your hand? A palm tree.
What nut is broken? A silly nut!
Have you seen the Xbox game Sea of Thieves?
Sea if these nuts fit on yo mouth.
I saw a cat. It said, "Raisin" when he saw a nut. Hahaha, I am a crappy joker. Put me in the nerd club.
What did the bus driver say to the nut 🥜?
"Where do you live?"
Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one!
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
What time is it when a nurse's here?
It's nurse-thirty.
What did the wire say to the electrician?
"Stop twisting my nuts!"
A pecan is motivated because pe-can do anything.