Shell jokes
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
Most states:
"It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."
Alabama:
"She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."
What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
A man opened a snail farm.
He said that it is a slow-moving business.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"
I hope death is a woman That way she'll never look at me twice
What do you call a snail without a shell?
Dead.
Crack me, break me, love me, and you ate me--egg.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."