Shell jokes
The moment when you throw the nut away and try to eat the shell.
When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll let it go!
The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Do you know how a snail has a "nail," why can't it be a nut?
What's a turtle's favorite thrill ride?
Shell shock!
Your grandma is pretty old; she'll die soon.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
Why can't two eggs tell jokes?
Because they will crack each other up!
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
I was baking a cake when I saw some egg shell in the mix. I said, "You've got to be yolking me!"
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
Yo mama is so dumb, she'll watch edited Peppa Pig all day long.
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
What did the shell say to the shell?
"Shell you later."
What do turtles use to communicate?
A shellphone!