Nut jokes

Nut

Two nuts were chasing each other. One said to the other, "I'm-a cashew!"

What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?

Mixed nuts.

I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.

Can you guys comment on my nuts jokes (aka Willma, Bofa, and Savor)? I just want to see if people don't think it's funny.

What do you call a dino stripper?

A dinohore.

Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?

He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

What did the flower say to the crazy peanut?

"Ur going nuts boii, get back on yo' plant. Ur too nuts for me."

A: Do you eat food?

B: Yes...

A: You can sit on deez nuts then!

B: Omg I have depression now.

What is the difference between a tree and a school?

A school is for kids, and a tree is for birds.

Why did the female dicktator get fired? She had too much dick!

Watch Key/Peele "Detective."

What do you call a person with no eyebrows?

Ms. Burgos.

I have big balls, said the kid holding two soccer balls.

Nuts, nuts, nuts!

Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.

What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?

A sinkers bar.

How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.

What kind of nuts come in cans?

Creamed a-corn.

Nutty.