Deez Nuts


What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He’s a d!ck.



A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”




What do squirrels and men have in common? They always want a nut.

Deez Nuts


I bought a guh on the weekend. (whats a guh?) a GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰



Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.



Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.




What do u call a 3 sum with a girl with aids?

Nut in the butt



Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?? He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.



Scarlet Witch

What do u call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut



What did the wire say to the electrician Stop twisting my nuts


What the f...

There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says hes gay- he can’t be tho… he’s allergic to nuts!



Nut jokes be like...

What do you call a Dino stripper?

A dinowhore

Deez Nuts


have you seen the xbox game sea of thieves?sea if these nuts fit on yo mouth


savannah banana

a girl asked ¨can i have some nuts too?¨ boy: ¨sure what ones;)¨



What do u call nuts on ur chest? Chestnuts What do u call nuts on the wall? Walnuts What do u call nuts on ur chin? A blowjob


Little Johnny


One day little johnny went to his grandma’s house and she asks “do you like nuts” and little johnny says “yes i like nuts” and his grandma says “okay then grab them out of the cabinet” so little johnny went and grabbed them and he was sad after he grabbed them his grandma then says “whats wrong?” little johnny says “i thought they were real nuts.” and his grandma fainted.


This Guy 123

A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel hanging down his pants. A guy walks buy and says ''Pardon me sir, but you’ve got a wheel hanging down your pants. The pirate responds ‘‘I know. i’ts driving me nuts!’’



A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, ‘I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body.’ So I asked her, ‘How about a little head?’”

Other jokes:

  1. Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.

  2. What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?

  3. How do you make your husband scream during sex? Call him and let him hear it.

  4. Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her b-shells!

  5. How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

  6. What does one boob say to the other boob? If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.

  7. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball.

  8. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.




Me:what’s that girls name from phinease and ferb the sister Crush:candice Me:candice dick fit in your mouth Crush: slaps me Walks away



The old guy on the corner of the road

What do you call a vegan slut…?

A garden Ho…!