Nut jokes
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Yeah.
Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?
He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!
Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.
Dad: What's boofa?
Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Chris started to tell me a joke about a nut, but he couldn't finish it.
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.
The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
Me: Do you like smash?
Friend: Smash Rolls?
Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS!
Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)
I just busted a nut. A ginger nut.
Why did the female dicktator get fired? She had too much dick!
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"
A girl asked, "Can I have some nuts too?"
Boy: "Sure, what ones ;)"