Nut jokes

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”

A man walked into a bar and said, "What do you call a cum shot?"

The people running the bar said, "I don't know, nut."

The guy said, "Are you calling me a nut?"

Why did the chicken cross the road? Nuts!

What has nut, long, big, and sticky? A Snickers bar.

Squirrel: I got a joke.

Dog: What the hell is it?

Squirrel: I clicked my nuts and clicked my poop.

The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?

Hey, do you like nuts? Try our new product, deez nuts! *slam dunk* It's a bag filled with all of your favorite nuts! We called it deez nuts! *slam dunk* We got cashues peanuts wallnuts!

And it's called deez nuts! *slam dunk* Try out deez nuts *slam dunk* now! It's a bag, filled with your favorite nuts! Deez nuts! *slam dunk*

Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.

What is the difference between a tree and a school?

A school is for kids, and a tree is for birds.

What happened to the police that crossed the road?

They solved a murder involving the nut case.

Nuts, nuts, nuts!

What did one nut say to the other nut? "Help!"

What is a dog?

A pet.

I suck his dick with a smile for hours at a time.

Stare at his nutsack while I hold back my cum tonight.

And when he ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle." (And when they ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle.")

But the fact is I can never get off of his fat dick. And all that they can ask is (Ask is, ask is) "I just wanna smack it" (I just wanna smack it)

Here's what the fact is He can put my asshole in a casket (Yuh, yuh, yuh) Asshole in a casket

So you can see I'm cummin' But you won't see me nut. And I'll just keep on suckin', I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)

And if he sucks my glizzy I will become dizzy But it keeps us busy, I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)

I've been twerking for boys for so long I've been flirting with boys for so long

My jaw's been hurting for so, so long it's real So long, it's real, so long, it's real

What’s another name for nutting in a woman?

Loading the dishwasher.

I’m sorry deez nuts can’t fit in your mouth.

I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"

Me: Let's go to Randy's.

Friend: There's no Randy's.

Me: Ran deez nuts with a car.

Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.

I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.