Nut jokes
Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?
Friends: No, what is it?
Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
The Cheerio Joke
Let's say you're in high school, and your popularity level was based on what Cheerio you are. So there's Extra-Frosty Cheerios as the most popular kids, the frosted Cheerios were the popular kids, the Regular Cheerios as the typical normal kid, then there's the honey nut Cheerios as the nerds and geeks, and then there's your Cheerio which is the Chocolate Cheerios. Now you want to ask this girl who's an extra frosty, you go up to her and ask her to Homecoming, but she declines.
So after school gets out, you go home and rewind. The next day you wake up feeling like a honey nut Cheerio, so you go up to her again and ask her again, she still says no. So you go home and rewind again and wake up the next morning feeling like a Regular Cheerio. So you go to school and ask her again, she still declines. So you go home and rewind again. The next morning, you wake up feeling like a frosty Cheerio. So you go up to her and ask again, still says no. Then you go home and unwind. The next day you wake up feeling like an extra frosty Cheerio. Feeling doubtful, you go up to her one last time and ask her. She finally says yes.
The next day is Homecoming, and you and your date are on the dance floor, and she wants punch. So she tells you that she's going to go get punch. She goes and gets punch and is back in 30 seconds. You ask her why it was so fast. She replies with; "Oh there wasn't a punch line."
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
Deez nuts!
GOT EEMMMMMMMM!
Do you know when the thing of you when the was is where you and if you when you where if I and you where in the thing is where yes?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
What do you call a person with no eyebrows?
Ms. Burgos.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna think we're nuts.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit.
I have a pun, but I will nut tell you!
What are you willing to write in your notebook? These nuts.
What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.
Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"
So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."
So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"
The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.
Reese's.
Reese's who? Re-sees with deez nuts!
Nutty.
Do you know Biden?
Biden on these nuts.
Why can't an orphan suck my nut?
A girl can, one knows how.
How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.
Me: Let's go to Randy's.
Friend: There's no Randy's.
Me: Ran deez nuts with a car.