Nut jokes
A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”
My nuts hurt; if you pull them, I will scream.
My nuts tickle; scratch them, and I won’t like you no more.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
Do you know who Dee is?
Dees nuts!
Dez nuts!
Memes
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
You pecan do it!
Pistachio can’t, but pe-can.
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
Have you seen the Justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts.
Bruh.
But actually, it's a parody.
Wait, actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).
How have you been recently?
Oh, just playing some Rhydon.
What’s Rhydon?
Rhydon deez nutz!