Nut jokes
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
You pecan do it!
Pistachio can’t, but pe-can.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
Dez nuts!
Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?
My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”
Do you know who Dee is?
Dees nuts!
Have you seen the Justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts.
Bruh.
But actually, it's a parody.
Wait, actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
How have you been recently?
Oh, just playing some Rhydon.
What’s Rhydon?
Rhydon deez nutz!
A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”
Nutty.
You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.
Friend: I must order more nuts.
Do nut get in my way.
Do nut get in my way.
My nuts hurt; if you pull them, I will scream.
My nuts tickle; scratch them, and I won’t like you no more.
I'm as bored as heck, someone wanna chat?
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this one's gonna blow!