Number jokes
What comes next in the pattern, ottffs?
S, because it represents numbers going up: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.
Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?
If 7 8 9, why was 10 scared?
Because he was between 9 11.
Why are there not that many phones in China? Because there’s too much Wing and Wong, so they will "wing" the wrong number.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
me rn : hold up, wait a minute, something ain’t right
I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭
Random guy: Hi, how old are you?
Me: 15
The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.
Me: Do you know what else is a number?
The guy: What?
Me: 911
"Gotta number one victory royale."
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
You.
Why is 7 afraid of 6?
Because 7 is a vegetarian and 6 is a cannibal.
69, 420, 21.
Depressed should be spelled "depraseed" because then they would be 1, 2, 5, 9.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate nine.
What's 9 divided by 11?
Well, I know it's less than two alright!
Why was number 10 scared?
It was surrounded by 9/11.
I give you 31 because we will do the 69 later, thanks.
What did the clock say when it got punched at noon?
It’s twelve o'clock.
How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.