Not jokes
Do you wanna eat makeup, 'cause you're not pretty on the inside?
Why is "dark" spelled with a "k" and not with a "c"?
Because you can't C in the dark!
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
What do asses and secrets have in common?
Both are better when not leaked!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
Slade must be WiFi... because I’m not feeling a CONNECTION.
Your mom does not need the internet. She's already worldwide.
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”
Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”
Boy: “Yeah, why?”
Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”
What did Osama Bin Laden's kids not inherit after his death?
His hide-and-seek skills.
I thought gender reveal parties were only for newborns, not for teenagers.
Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."
Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."
Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."
Teacher: "*stands up*"
Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."
9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans; they knocked down 2 towers, not 3.
Yo mama is so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Too many people.
Not enough VooDoo dolls.
What's the difference between a criminal and an orphan?
One is wanted and one's not.
What is gayer than man sex ring?
Not slapping the ass at Hooters.