Not jokes
9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans; they knocked down 2 towers, not 3.
Do you wanna eat makeup, 'cause you're not pretty on the inside?
Yo mama is so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Your mom does not need the internet. She's already worldwide.
Why is "dark" spelled with a "k" and not with a "c"?
Because you can't C in the dark!
Memes
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
Too many people.
Not enough VooDoo dolls.
Slade must be WiFi... because I’m not feeling a CONNECTION.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."
Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."
Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."
Teacher: "*stands up*"
Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."
I thought gender reveal parties were only for newborns, not for teenagers.
Why can't an orphan be a criminal? Because they are not wanted.
Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”
Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”
Boy: “Yeah, why?”
Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”
What did Osama Bin Laden's kids not inherit after his death?
His hide-and-seek skills.
Who will hit the ground first, the girl or the apple?
I don't know, it depends if the girl is emo or not. If she is emo, the rope will catch her.
Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"
Roses are red, violets are blue. You belong in a zoo, but don't worry, I'll be there too. Just not in a cage, I'll be laughing at you.
Roses are red, that much is true.
But violets are violet, not f*ing blue!
How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?
What's the difference between a criminal and an orphan?
One is wanted and one's not.