Not jokes

Not to brag, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Your mama is so fat, you can't tell if she's pregnant or not.

Y'all are so rude on here. If you don't like what I put on MY profile, you can click your rude ass off of my profile and look at some other fucking jokes. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING RUDE TO SAY ABOUT ME!

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t find home.

Teacher: "Okay, so how are you going?"

Student: "I'm not going."

Teacher: "Oh, so you're a wheelchair person?"

Why didn't Biden get the virus?

He sniffed everyone!

What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽

Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.

But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...

ICE and ISIS have similar first syllables. Coincidence? I think not!

I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.

She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.

Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”

“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.

“Let me start,” says the son.

“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.

“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.

“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.

“Your right!” He replies.

“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”

“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.

“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.

What do Orphans say on Father's Day?

Well, not "Happy Father's Day."

Most of the people here: That's not funny, lots of people died.

Bruh, why are you in here if you can't take a joke?

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not."

"Not who?"

"Not your dad."

Not funny, guys!

What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?

Call 911.

Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.

A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.

The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!

Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.

Me: Why?

Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.