Not jokes

My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.

What did the orphan say to its parents?

"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"

They people: "No."

Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!

Sister, you're ugly.

Other sister: I'm not your reflection.

PS. Sorry if it is not funny.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?

'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.

Why can't orphans be robbers?

Because they're not wanted.

If an orphan took a photo, what would it be considered?

Not a family photo.

A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"

Imagine not having a dad.

Why was the Cheetah not allowed to do tests?

Because it always cheated.

What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?

I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.

Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?

Doctor: The morgue.

Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!

Doctor: And we're not there yet!

Dark jokes are just like food.

Not everyone gets it.

I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.

Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.

Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?

Not even the FBI knows where an orphan's parents are.

How it be when the new guy takes too long...

Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?

He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.

Why do orphans not like July 24th??

Because it's Parents Day.