ICE and ISIS have similar first syllables. Coincidence? I think not!
Not Jokes
Not to brag, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.
What is a room you can not enter?
A mushroom.
What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
I adopted a dog. It's gone now.
At least homeless people in China are not starving.
Roses are red, the sky is blue, what do you do? Oh, never mind, I'm not homo like you.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.
What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?
Call 911.
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not."
"Not who?"
"Not your dad."
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.
The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!
Most of the people here: That's not funny, lots of people died.
Bruh, why are you in here if you can't take a joke?
Not funny, guys!
Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.
Me: Why?
Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.
What do you call an orphanage that's not an orphanage?
A homeless shelter.
You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.
Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?
Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.
