News jokes
Yo mama so fat that when she went in the ocean, Spain claimed her for new land.
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
On September 11th, 2001, the New York Giants lost against the Jets.
Why was 6 afraid of 9?
Because 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!
Ur hairline is like a Fortnite map at the start of a new season waiting to be identified.
I threw a paper airplane at the twin sisters. The teacher was upset. I guess they don't read the news.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?
One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
The death of JFK must have splattered on the news.
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
Warner Brothers have made a new Superman movie with Superman being black.
This new Superman's nickname is the "Man of Steel" but it's spelled s-t-e-a-l.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
Why was the ant so smart? Because it always knew the answer.
What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?
The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"
Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"
Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.
This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)
Did you hear about the new drink commemorating Princess Diana?
It had nine shots and seven chasers!
Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones.
North Tower: "Hey, South Tower, we can talk later; I gotta catch a plane!"
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.