I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.
Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?
"Everywhere."
Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A stab wound.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
9/11 jokes aren’t funny.
They always crash and burn.
Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!
Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.
What did the lawyer name his twins?
COURTney and CASEy.
I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...
Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.
Here’s my pun.
Yup literally nothing... jeez this was pretty plain.
Mary had a little lamb.
Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!
