Worst Jokes Ever
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
Stupid joke about Stephen Hawking that wasn't funny the first fucking time.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
What do you call a bad bull?
A bully.
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
What did the water say to the water? "Water" you doing?
Wanna hear the car joke?
Nah, it's too fast for you.
Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
Fuck nugget!
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
I would tell you a cat pun, but it's too purr-fect to share.
Why is a sweet potato casserole so sweet? Because it's so sweet to eat!
Why did Stephen Hawking die? His ethernet cable fell out.