Worst Jokes Ever
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because she’s stupid.
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
When the school lets you near children again...
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
Why can't you hear a dinosaur clap? They're dead.
Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?
Yeah, he Pasta-Way.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish! 😂
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
Why did the goat have an abortion?
Because she already had too many kids!
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!