Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?
Go look in the mirror.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
Hi, my name is Bob.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts make a right.
Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?
They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.
Two mates walk into a bar.
Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"
Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."
Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"
Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."
Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"
What did the Olympic Swimmer call his son?
Paul.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
follow me on instagram @v2good.at.fortnite and @v2good.at.edits for a suprise;)
Follow me on Instagram @v2good.at.fortnite and @v2good.at.edits for a surprise.
Btw, you have to like all my posts :)
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
What does Donald Trump say when he declares war? Nuke them.
What does a pervert say when he declares war? Nude them.
What's the difference between George Bush and Donald Trump?
One is into airline security, and one is into wall, turrets, and rockets.
What's the similarity between George Bush and Donald Trump?
It just doesn't work...
