Worst Jokes Ever
Hello.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
Josh
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to his job at KFC!
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
Need an arch? I Noah guy.
What's worse than funny condom fails?
Jake Paul.
Bin Laden promised 76 virgins to Al-Qaeda.
Instead, there was one 76-year-old virgin.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
Deja Vu.
What season is it when you're on a trampoline?
Spring time!
My dick itches.
I was excited my teacher asked me for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.
Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
Jack: Hey Josh!
Josh: What?
Jack: Sex!
Josh: Huh?
Jack: SEX!!
Josh: I don't get it.
Jack: Exactly ;)
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.