Vote Biden or Trump, I like neither, but I want to know what the world would say. (Don't judge other people.)
Neither Jokes
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
Have you ever seen Helen Keller's dog?
Neither has she.
Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.
Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.
(She's blind and deaf)
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
Q. What's the difference between people and a toilet?
A. Neither does R. Kelly.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
No? Neither did he.
Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!
Did you hear about the elephant with no nose?! Me neither.
What is the similarity between an anti-joke and a clown? Neither are funny.
Did you know that Helen Keller has a swing in her backyard?
Neither did she.
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he.
Have you heard about the movie about constipation?
Me neither, it hasn't come out yet.
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.
