The 40+ Best Rather Jokes

Random guy: Go suck a D*ck! Me: Nah, i rather suck a 9mm.

What's brown and rather bad for your dental health? -A baseball bat

Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field? Because they are full of ears! Now that was a corny joke. And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing

I would go suck some titties but I’d rather die from being shot then cancer

Roses are red, violets are blue, i'd rather be single then be with someone like you.

Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1."Hang" out with me Or 2."Jump" 1 times? Me...e-eh?...Why not both?????we could just "Jump while "Hanging" out right?

Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: seeing others happy Doctor : ok so what makes you happy? Me: seeing stupid people in misery or agony Doctor: Well that's rather sadistic. Me: well statistically one in two doctors have fingerd a child... Doctor: do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy? Me: there's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me...it turns out that she was lying.

I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider transMEN as men which is rather confusing to me. As a Jew I don’t know very much about Christianity but from what I’ve heard- don’t priests love little boys?

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,"the woman told her dentist. He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

WOULD YOU RATHER: Eat 20 lbs of cow s**t? or Drink a gallon of sperm?

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ”

St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

I would rather do my own laundry not my uncle"s laundry because I ain"t no damn butler like Alfred from batman i don't live in no damn batcave by Gotham tity.

i would rather be drugged and robbed by cardi b than listen to her fucking music

Hate me all you want but I rather love bullying in all fairness, I love to watch all the loner kids being abused while simultaneously making a prediction for when which one of them will finally snap and shoot up the school.

Would you rather date me or I lady I laid deez nuts in your mouth

What would you rather be emo or handicapped? Trick question emo is a handycap.

I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.