When I’m bored I text a random number “I hid the body… now what”

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What’s the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference" Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: “Ah i knew you’d get stuck on that”

you might be

I named my dog 5 miles so when I walk him I can say I walked 5 miles random guy: I ran over 5 miles

Random guy: Go suck a D*ck! Me: Nah, i rather suck a 9mm.

Random kid: yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the super bowl. orphan:what’s a mama? Random kid: *shook

everyone when we’re in the cafeteria singing happy birthday to some random person: Happy birthday to you…, Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear____, happy birthday to u Me in the background: Happy deathday to you…, Happy deathday to you, happy death day dear___, happy death day to you!..

A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery story. The young boy then screams to a random woman “ your an ugly bitch”. The mother grabs her son, and says “ I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look.

Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg. P1: Why did the chicken cross the road? P2: To get to the other side DUH?!? P1: No dumbass, its to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me). P2: Holy shitr u ok? Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry

alright my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time and what i say is go get you boyfriend dude

A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, sl*t!" I walked towards him. “I prefer slit.” I said. “Why?” He asked. “You see this wrists?” I spat at him.

Random guy: come on bin laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK I’ll leave.

So I was looking though my pictures and I found a picture of a random kids that took a picture of his ugly face it look like someone that got hit by a car than a bus than a semi

That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad

Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!

Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?

Me: looks at persons hand This guy doesn’t have fingers!

Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?

You: Why did the chicken cross the road? Random person: Why? You: To get to the idiot’s house! Random person: What? You: Knock knock Random person: Who’s there? You: The chicken.

One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk and he says "I went to a party with my girlfriend and this random guy walks up to us and says can I borrow your girlfriend for a 30 minutes I say yes and he takes her up stairs. It was not only 30 minutes but a hour. When she came back down she was out of breath so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation.this happens about 3 more times that night. But as I was saying only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys 😊😇

I have fun goin on dem roller coasters that go really high up and sittin by random people and once we get to the high point I look at the stranger and go wham and unplug they seat bealt

me:hi Jaiden bully/Jaiden harper:leave me alone weirdo me:wow says the one who didn’t pass 3RD grade bully/Jaiden harper:"hits" me:calls fbi and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves"bye bye" fbi:“FBI OPEN UP!!!”

a guy saw a person with a duck and said "where did you get a pig" the owner replied "its not a pig dummy" the random guy said “i wasn’t talking to you,i was talking to the duck”

Orphan: I want to kill my parents Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that big man