My jokes

My dad was on a hotdog with ketchup.

I asked my friend if they wanted to hear a joke about sodium, and they said, "Na."

Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*

Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*

A question: When is (my name) happy?

Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*

Answer: Never, only a portion.

Friend: Do you need help?

Is your name ooOOo? Because my name is lalala.

oOO laLA!

Dad: What's the difference between an ELEPHANT and a POSTBOX?

Son: I don't know.

Dad: I'd better not trust you with my post then.

I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭

I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?

But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.

I never feel offended if my friends don't wish me a happy birthday.

Because that's what I want.

Stormtrooper: My lord, what should we do with all this beef?

Palpatine: Stew it.

My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.

My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"

He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.

You're an apple. Now suck my dick!

I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).

I was at my drumming lesson and I accidentally dropped my drum stick when my sister made a terrible joke.

KA-DOOM-CHA!

My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

I was once playing the bottle flip challenge on the school table with my friend, and when it was his turn, the bottle fell to his eggplant! 😱😂