My jokes
L bozos fell like my grandma on the stairs.
Random words in my keyboard:
The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Friend: You look like a baboon.
Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!
You know I used to call my dogs' balls the Twin Towers, until they came rumbling down.
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.
And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.
My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.
When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."
Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."
I look at an orphanage, then hug my mum. He just looks sad and crude because he couldn’t find his mum.
My friend is a pimp.
I think he's having an existential crisis. Lately, he just wants to be alone with his thots.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
My name is Jamar and I come from afar, ALLAHU AKBAR!
A pedophile pulls up to little Jonny, lowers his window and asks, "hey little boy, if I give you a lolly, will you come in my car?" Little Jonny replies, "Give me the whole packet and I’ll come in your mouth."
Little Johnny's mom is taking a shower. Little Johnny walks in and asks, "What is that in between your legs?" Mommy says, "That is my keyhole." The next day, Little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and Little Johnny asks, "What is that in between your legs?" Daddy says, "That is my key." The next day Little Johnny says to his dad, "Looks like the neighbor has the key to Mommy's keyhole too."
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!