My jokes

My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.

What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage...

My happiness.

Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.

What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"

He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"

I asked my friend if they wanted to hear a joke about sodium, and they said, "Na."

My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.

My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.

I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂

Stormtrooper: My lord, what should we do with all this beef?

Palpatine: Stew it.

My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.

I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).

My dad was on a hotdog with ketchup.

What's the difference between a BMW and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a BMW in my garage.

I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

You're an apple. Now suck my dick!

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.