My jokes

My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.

I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂

What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage...

Me: I must have a mirror in my jeans, 'cause I see you in my pants.

Stroke victims are my heroes.

My favorite is Louis C.K.

My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.

Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏

My little sister that is 10 is so ugly her hairline can't even be found by Dora the Explorer.

My dad went to go get milk.

I lost my job at the bank today. A lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Me and my twin when we share a pizza: there can be only one!

I woke up when I heard a strange noise coming from my kitchen.

I turned on the light, and I saw none other than the exposed flop GHOSTNALDO. He asked me if I had PenalTEA, his favorite drink. I said no and yelled, "There is a big game tomorrow!" and he disappeared.

My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch.

“Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said, “Son, that is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games.”

My sister said that if you go to a random person's door, the sister will all Waze open it.

What does General Grievous say after he gets his penis growth pills?

A fine addition to my erection.

My brother likes his Vegemite so black, it stole our car.

I made this one up myself just now.

Stephen Hawking would be a good pilot because the aircraft would be the first to take off and land in autopilot.

I would curse at you, but my country praises cows.

Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"

The rain is my tears.