My jokes

Katie Price's answer for everything is darkness.

She isn't a dull person, but playing eye spy with my little eye with Harvey is just way too easy.

My grades.

You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!

"Yah, I do!"

Oh yeah? What is it?

"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"

That’s breathing, Jim.

"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"

Haha, yeet my fuckin' meat!

My sister got mad when I told her to say this word 10 times, and she got in trouble, and it was a funny word that she did not even know what she was saying, ahhahaha! 😆 lol

My friend talking to fat boi: "I can order you at McDonald's: Double Big Mac, triple quarter pounder cheeseburger."

I had to get my dog. Is it a tree? Was your time and I had fun today after dinner. I had...

My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked my mom how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your new stepfather."

I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!

9/11 is like me after I'm finished with my Lego house. I destroy it! 😄🤣

God, I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.

Hey, Mom, I am ugly.

"Facts," my mom says.

Lmao Trump and Putin dislike my jokes! 🤣😂

What did the naked man say to the naked woman?

"Suck my dick."

I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.

I remarked, "You lazy!"

My mom loved taking pics of me when I was a child. Thanks to that, people really believe my fake smiles! :3

UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE! My wife got hit by a bus!!! And I lost my job as a bus driver!

So when my parents say no to "isms," I say, "Can I be homophobic?"

I like my vegetables like I like my women: forgotten at the bottom of my freezer.

I hate my wife.

*cue laugh*