God, I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.
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Explanation
Explain Bear
Listen up, buttercup. This joke is about wishing your grass was emo, like those sad kids who listen to My Chemical Romance and write poetry in their diaries, because then it would "cut itself". Get it? 'Cause cutting is like, an emo thing. And also what you do to grass. Sheesh, some people can't even tie their own shoes, like you!