My jokes

My mom loved taking pics of me when I was a child. Thanks to that, people really believe my fake smiles! :3

So when my parents say no to "isms," I say, "Can I be homophobic?"

I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.

My grades.

Haha, yeet my fuckin' meat!

My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked my mom how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your new stepfather."

I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!

Cool kid: I slept with your sister.

Me: Never knew my brother was a girl.

Everyone else: :O

I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

I like my girls like my file systems...

FAT and 16.

Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?

We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.

I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"

Katie Price's answer for everything is darkness.

She isn't a dull person, but playing eye spy with my little eye with Harvey is just way too easy.

The other day I lost all my crayons.

I just wish I had a shoulder to cray on.

I had to get my dog. Is it a tree? Was your time and I had fun today after dinner. I had...

My sister got mad when I told her to say this word 10 times, and she got in trouble, and it was a funny word that she did not even know what she was saying, ahhahaha! 😆 lol

My friend talking to fat boi: "I can order you at McDonald's: Double Big Mac, triple quarter pounder cheeseburger."

I hate my wife.

*cue laugh*

You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!

"Yah, I do!"

Oh yeah? What is it?

"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"

That’s breathing, Jim.

"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"

The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."