My jokes

"We got a number one victory royale, yeah Fortnite we boutta get down! Get down! Ten kills on the board right now, just wiped out tomato town! My friend's gone down, I revived him now we're heading southbound! Now we're in the pleasant park street, look at the map, go to the marked sheet!"

"Others, Morris, Sal, Sal, Rasuba Marid, Things!"

My son is broken: "I think at home!"

Happiness!

I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!

Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.

Someone on here said it previously:

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is until my mom took the urn away from me.

My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.

I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.

What do windows have in common with my wife's legs? They're easy to open.

Q: What do you call an elephant that isn't important?

A: My sister.

What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?

A quack head!

My mom must be a duck then...

My joke is so diam funny, or so damn funny.

If you spell "swim" backwards you get "miws."

Where is my dad?

What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?

There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.

You're the sriracha to my hoisin sauce.

And together, we are pho-ever.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

My existence.

My life.

A joke, huh?

My sense of humor.

I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

Fuck, my dad has cancer, lol.