My jokes

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

What does an orphan say a lot? "Where is my house?"

I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.

So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.

I wish all my grass was emo.

It would cut itself.

My country is so corrupt that it voted me as the most sexiest man.

Victory assured, I will continue like that till I'm six feet under.

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.

On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."

My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!

My hair is blue, and I'm blue!

I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"

My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

"CoComelon meme,

No matter how fast I run, I can't escape my problems - OULEH...

Nobody loves me .v."

Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.