My Jokes

Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.

Wanna know what an orphan's least favorite song is?

"More Than My Hometown."

What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you like Imagine Dragons?

Imagine draggin' my balls on your face.

A book just fell on my head. I’ve got only my shelf to blame!

first of my memes

A screenshot of text that asks, "Why is the DM smiling?" and answers, "If you've been antagonizing the DM for a while, the smile on their face is as much a sign of catharsis for them as it is an imminent ass-kicking for you." The date, Mar 15, 2020, is at the bottom.

I shidded out my baby, then became a fish.

One day I went to talk to my friend.

"Hi John!" I said.

No response.

"Oh, yeah."

I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.

"Hope that helps!"

Are you a marry, because you are my mother?

The joke I'm telling is my brother, Joey.

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.

What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?

They both fell on my dad.

I hate family reunions. I see too many of my exes there.

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.

For some reason, people make fun of my name because it rhymes with something that starts with an F.

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"