My jokes
Me: Hey! Look at my drawing of deez!
My babysitter: Very nice! But, uh, what’s deez?
Me: (¬‿¬)
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
Memes
My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.
While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!
Wow! The jokes on here are so dark they pick my cotton!
We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.
No one is taking it harder than grandpa.
I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.
What did the parent say to M.J.?
"Get off my kid!"
The bears came home. Daddy bear said, "Who's been eating my porridge?" said, "Who's been in my porch?" Baby bear said, "Never mind about the porridge, who knocked the telly?"
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
Silly joke! Where’s my natcho? You have it :excuse me it’s nacho cheese 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback.
Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."
I bought my sister a trampoline. She sat in her wheelchair and cried.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.
Read my name.