My jokes

I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.

Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.

Husband: The second we entered the beach,

Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!

Roblox jokes be like: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I should create a game.

*Creates game* bruh my game got to thousand hundred 700,000 likes!

😄😄😄

The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.

I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.

My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.

Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.

My plants in my garden are like the Twin Towers; neither of them fell, just the flowers.

My guy: I have a Q-Tip.

Me: You can Q my tip.

My guy: Ayo!

I traveled through time to get my dad back.

I failed because I was 1e21 years off.

My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.

Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.

I am Asian.

I am so Asian my pronouns are: heeEEE/Ya.

Pulled pork? Yeah, I cranked my hog today, too.

I turned gay because my wife is too poor.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your presence, my love, Every moment feels new.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Like petals in the wind, My heart dances for you.

I watched a movie with a lot of ketchup on the ground.

I don't know why my friends look disgusted.