My jokes

I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"

My brother was stuck in a wheelchair after a motorbike accident. He became a swimming champion until I took the VR headset off.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.

Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

What do you call a pig in a blanket?

My wife on a cold day.

My bully to his mom after getting "cooked" by me: "Mama, I can't find my hairline!"

My bully. 😭

Back the halls with gasoline, la la la la la.

Light a match and watch it gleam, la la la la la.

My school is burnt into ashes, fa la la la la, la la la la.

A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.

The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"

"What happened?" said the manager.

"A civil war."

A house has a crack. A guy covers it with Plaster of Paris.\n\nHouse: "Where the heck am I supposed to do my shit now?"

My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.

I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.

I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.

And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.

It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"

He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"

"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.

I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."

How names were named.

"I have to go because my tailor is at the gym where he will chase coal before dawn."

"SAY THAT AGAIN. SO MANY GOOD NAMES!"

As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.