My jokes

When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

My forehead blew up because I saw yours at the forehead shop!

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good. He died during 9/11.

One day I went to talk to my friend.

"Hi John!" I said.

No response.

"Oh, yeah."

I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.

"Hope that helps!"

The joke I'm telling is my brother, Joey.

My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.

I worry about him sometimes.

True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.

Wanna suck my dick?

No? Well then I'm gonna go hang.

My uncle died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.

My balls.

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

My friend said not to look down on me. I said I can't because I'm shorter than her.

"Police control! Have you been drinking?"

"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"

"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"

My mom loves balls.

But my dad has been gone for the last 4 years.

Do you like Imagine Dragons?

Imagine draggin' my balls on your face.

A book just fell on my head. I’ve got only my shelf to blame!

I barged into a Halloween party at my school with my air-soft AR-15!

I was so scary, EVERYONE ran away!

My friend is an emo. I asked why he wears black. He said, "Black like my soul." I just walked away.