My jokes
My bad, but you stink so bad you passed by a trashcan and it yelled, "Wow! I didn't know I had family!"
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like βYouβre next!β So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.
Hairline is so far up, Patrick Mahomes can't even sell to a wide receiver.
Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"
Memes
Why could you not see the guy in my dark closet?
The guy was black.
My grandma's got 99 problems, but a fat butt ain't one of 'em.
When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.
Me: Hey, were you born on a highway?
My enemy: Uh, no, why?
Me: Because thatβs where most accidents happen.
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
The only thing running in THIS familyβs your big ass mouth! Oh, Iβd better shut up, or Big Berthaβs gonna confuse my head for a burger!
I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. π«£π€£π
Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. ππ€£π€£
Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.
Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.
Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.
Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.
My life is like... the shoe rack-
I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.