My jokes

Okay, the time has come... I am finally leaving this website, so yeah.

I'm going to enjoy my life, so yeah.

I'm going to leave now, so bye.

I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.

"Who am I?"

I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My life.

My life who?

My life is depressing...

I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.

My friend says, "Time flies when having fun," so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.

I went on holiday to the coast the other day, and I saw a shark.

I was alright, but I don't think my feet were.

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.

After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."

Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.

The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."

best friend makes 9/11 joke.

you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."

best friend: "I'm sorry."

you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."

If you spell "swim" backwards you get "miws."

Where is my dad?

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

My fish puns aren't on porpoise.

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

Why do I call my dog a vibrator?

Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.

My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.

Well, because it's impastable.

What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!

My friend Joe was a great hunter. He always shot like 3 deer every week.

He was even better at school when he bagged 30 of them.

My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭