My jokes

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.

Best pick up line EVER.

There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

Why are my students so naughty?

Person: My left ear is ringing.

Friend: Then answer it!

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

I know this is supposed to be an emo joke, but does anyone want to play Rocket League?

I'm on PS4, by the way!

My name: Box3d_by_Clapped

Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.

I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

I broke my ankles so hard I had to walk uphill both ways.

El/11: Ego, My Lego.

"Mayotte’s are sinking in the yogurt! (My Oat’s)" 🇾🇹🇾🇹🇾🇹🇾🇹🇾🇹🇾🇹

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."