My jokes

In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.

Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."

True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.

I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.

My hairline may be straight, but I’m not.

My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.

My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.

If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.

(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)

My life is a joke.

These are bee puns.🐝

I BEElieve you are eager to hear!🐝

I love to BEE a little 9 years old writing on this page.🐝

(Last one) I want to BEEcome a BEE. ;-; I kid... Like this now and please Subscribe to Kelly Qin on YouTube and she is my mom and she has a bake channel!

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

My life is like a grenade... I pull off the ring and, BOOM, it explodes!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Like petals in the wind, My heart dances for you.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

My sister told me a joke.

All she said was "my life."

Me: Hey! Look at my drawing of deez!

My babysitter: Very nice! But, uh, what’s deez?

Me: (¬‿¬)

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?