My jokes

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.

I left my Avatar at home today.

I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.

What did the parent say to M.J.?

"Get off my kid!"

The bears came home. Daddy bear said, "Who's been eating my porridge?" said, "Who's been in my porch?" Baby bear said, "Never mind about the porridge, who knocked the telly?"

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

My bad, but you stink so bad you passed by a trashcan and it yelled, "Wow! I didn't know I had family!"

HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.

Hairline is so far up, Patrick Mahomes can't even sell to a wide receiver.

When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.

Silly joke! Where’s my natcho? You have it :excuse me it’s nacho cheese 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.

Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.

Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.

Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.

My life is like... the shoe rack-

Wow! The jokes on here are so dark they pick my cotton!

I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.

Me: Hey! Look at my drawing of deez!

My babysitter: Very nice! But, uh, what’s deez?

Me: (¬‿¬)

We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.

No one is taking it harder than grandpa.

I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."