My jokes

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

Hahahahahahhah my nan died :)

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

My owl turned 180 today.

He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.

I called my dog 5 miles.

Today, I fawn over my miles.

The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"

Want to hear a joke?

My life. Get it?

I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.

My acquaintance, William.

My mental health.

I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"

I would tell you a story of my dad... If I knew who he was.

Sean's hairline recedes faster than my grades.

"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.

My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.

Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"

Also me: "Throw it."

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Want to hear my pencil joke? Wait, I'm still writing it.

Everybody loves "appreciation." So that's what I named my dick.