My jokes

You know I really love going to school and meeting my crush.

All I have to do is go to the Africa section.

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*

All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?

People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!

People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)

I walk into my driveway. Stephen Hawking is on my roof.

Oh wait, never mind, he just fell.

I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!

I posted on my Facebook account that you have a picture on Facebook.

My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.

Yesterday I had a party in my basement.

I got questioned a lot about 5 dead kids in the corner shut in a box. I did that when I was 13, damn I forgot about them!

My brother went missing 5 years ago. He also supported TRUMP. He is currently dead in my basement in a chest in a cupboard.

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

Want to hear a joke?

My life. Get it?

My friend has a shovel made of gold. I guess you could call him a gold digger.

Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.

Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.