My jokes

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

I posted on my Facebook account that you have a picture on Facebook.

I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!

I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.

It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!

Uranus caught a 3-meter flatty while surfing. Check the tail still kicking. Deadly, my bruz!

Hi, this is Chloe, and I am about to tell you about my joke.

Why did the cow cross the road? Because to get to the other side.

Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.

AKA, you're up for adoption.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

MY NAME IS JEFFFFFFFF!

Ever had a migraine? Yeah, sorry that’s my fault. Couple years ago, all my grains got loose.

The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"

When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

This is an inside joke for my friend Caiden...

"Hey, where’d you get that paint from?" "Ha! Paint!"

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).

Germans be like, “Guten Morgan.”

Bitch, that's not my name.

My friend is a pimp.

I think he's having an existential crisis. Lately, he just wants to be alone with his thots.