My jokes
I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
My mom left me at a very young age.
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
I told my wife she was lousy in bed.
She replied, "I guess you have been seeing your ex-girlfriend, uh?"
What did one nut say to the other nut?
A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."
How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Well, it's not 53, 'cause my basement's still dark.
I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.
I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.
My friend is blind.
So he always says he cannot Nazi.
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.
Dababy in my dickle trickle when eating my pickle.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
Astronaut In The Ocean-By- Masked Wolf and watersharky Music Productions-
Astro-naut
What you know about rollin' down in the deep?
When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze
When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah
I feel like an astronaut in the ocean, ayy
What you know about rollin' down in the deep?
When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze
When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah
I feel like an astronaut in the ocean
She say that I'm cool (damn straight)
I'm like "yeah, that's true" (that's true)
I believe in G-O-D (ayy)
Don't believe in T-H-O-T
She keep playing me dumb (play me)
I'ma play her for fun (uh-huh)
Y'all don't really know my mental
Lemme give you the picture like stencil
Falling out, in a drought
No flow, rain wasn't pouring down (pouring down)
See, that pain was all around
See, my mode was kinda lounged
Didn't know which-which way to turn
Flow was cool but I still felt burnt
Energy up, you can feel my surge
I'ma kill everything like this purge (ayy)
Let's just get this straight for a second, I'ma work
Even if I don't get paid for progression, I'ma get it (get it)
Everything that I do is electric
I'ma keep it in a motion, keep it moving like kinetic, ayy (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Put this shit in a frame, better know I don't blame
Everything that I say, man I seen you deflate
Let me elevate, this ain't a prank
Have you walkin' on a plank, la-la-la-la-la, like
Both hands together, God, let me pray (now let me pray)
Uh, I've been going right, right around, call that relay (Masked Wolf)
Pass the baton, back and I'm on
Swimming in the pool, Kendrick Lamar, uh
Want a piece of this, a piece of mine, my peace a sign
Can you please read between the lines?
My rhyme's inclined to break your spine
They say that I'm so fine
You could never match my grind
Please do not, not waste my time
What you know about rollin' down in the deep?
When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze
When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah
I feel like an astronaut in the ocean, ayy
What you know about rollin' down in the deep?
When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze
When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah
I feel like an astronaut in the ocean.
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck if my computer crashes.
My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)