My jokes

I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.

My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.

Why did Stephan Hawking not turn up to the meeting?

His internet connection ran out.

I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

Anybody remember 9/11? Cause I sure do, and oh boy was my father a good pilot!💥

Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?

It's so cold, I mist bring my jacket.

My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.

What do you call two emos in a chemistry lab?

My Chemical Romance.

The smartest kid in my class says "is-land" instead of "island."

The only food I want to review is my wife's rear end.

Aaaah, I really wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor...

I really need some new parts to my go-kart.

Can I put my balls in your jaw <3?

Orphan: I’m gonna tell my parents!

Me: Where are they?

Orphan: ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄

"My parents are dead, lol," said the orphan.

Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.

What does your dad's cock and Darryl's Savouries have in common?

I want them both in my mouth!

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.