My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
My Jokes
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
You know my first name, but don’t worry about it; you’ll only be screaming my first.
My uncle died in 9/11. He was a pilot.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My name is Ach.
Ach who?
Bless you!
The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My name is Ya.
Ya who?
Yahooooo!!!
I'm a magician. Watch my closing act at the end of the rope.
I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.
Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.
You are about to hear the funniest joke ever.
My life.
Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.
Roses are red, I failed my test, All because of Hugh and his incest.
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
Me and my life.
I was in my guitar class and my strings were dead, and then I realized they were more dead than George Bush on November 30, 2018.
