My jokes

What is black and white and red all over?

Answer: A newspaper.

That is what my 3-year-old told me.

Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.

Son: Thanks, Dad.

Dad: No problem, Quarantine.

I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.

That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!

My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.

So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.

*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*

Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.

Little Johnny was learning about anal sex, when he learned what it was he said, "My uncle just calls this shhhhh..."

The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.

Have a guess who came crawling back?

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.

The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.

To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.

LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...