My jokes

What should I sell my dragon for?

Dragon these balls across yo face!

Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has its pros and Khans.

Most states: "It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends." Alabama: "She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."

I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"

My cock, lmao.

Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and get over it.

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.

But I can break yours today, hopefully.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"

So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.

So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"

So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!

The other day my mom called me a retard.

I'm now an orphan.

"Let's play Roblox! My name is xX_RobloxGamer420Pro_xX."

My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.

Me: I must have a mirror in my jeans, 'cause I see you in my pants.

An orphan goes to a family restaurant with her doll.

"I'm sorry but you can't be here," said the man. "This is a family restaurant." The orphan said, "This is my family," then pointed to her doll.

My grandpa was in 9/11. He was the best pilot.

What's the difference between a Porsche and 50 dead babies?

..... I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.

I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad. He didn't show up for the rest of the year.

You are about to hear the funniest joke ever.

My life.

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"