My jokes

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.

The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...

The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.

My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.

Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.

My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.

What did the plane say to the tower? "Yo, can I crash at your place for a bit, and can my boy crash at your boy's place?"

Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”

I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!

I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.

Hi, I'm Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are hee/hee.

*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*

I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.

That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!

My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.

Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.

Everyone at the barbecue...

I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"

I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.

So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.

Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.

Son: Thanks, Dad.

Dad: No problem, Quarantine.