My jokes

Me: Knock knock.

My sister: Who's there?

Me: I eat mop.

My sister: I eat mop who?

My mind: I eat my poo.

My sister getting it.

Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."

The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest.

He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.

I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.

I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.

I would take out the trash, but my mom said you weren't ready!!! XD

Dear Orphans,

I have a better orphanage for you. It's my basement :)

Hi, I'm Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are hee/hee.

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.

LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were.

Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

I hate it when couples get into a little fight and they change their Facebook status to "single." I have fights with my parents, but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan."

Look at my name and you'll see the joke (read it out loud).

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad did not beat cancer.

Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?

He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.

I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.

Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.

Son: Thanks, Dad.

Dad: No problem, Quarantine.