My jokes

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"

What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?

They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"

My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.

I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.

My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"

My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."

Some dude: Water you thinking?

Me: You're drowning in my head.

I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)

Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.

When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.

She’s so therapeutic.

When I need to cure my restlessness, I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess!

I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

My god, my egg jokes are eggcellent!

I still remember my granddad's last words,

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

My uncle got really badly burned the other day.

They don't fuck around at the crematorium.

"What's 9 + 10?"

"21" (lol XD)

Also:

"My name Jeff" (Roar XD)

One more thing:

Ninja has ligma.

What did the fish say to the other fish?

"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.