My jokes

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead because of you.

Actually, not because of you... because of your face.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?

Elementary, my dear Watson!

My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.

What’s the easiest way to dig a hole to China?

Through my arm.

I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.

I told my friend an egg joke yesterday.

He thought it was eggcellent.

Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.

The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

Little Johnny was learning about anal sex, when he learned what it was he said, "My uncle just calls this shhhhh..."

Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.

The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...

My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.

Have a guess who came crawling back?

When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."

*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵

Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."

I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...

What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

Cancer doesn't leave.

Look at my name and you'll see the joke (read it out loud).