My jokes

My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.

I like my humans like I like my chicken... Fully cooked.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leaf. “Leaf” who? Leaf my house, or else you will regret it. You don’t live here, you dumb idiot! ?!

I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

The pie tasted weird today.

Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.

"My name is Dezz."

My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"

Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

Kid me: I lost my stick.

Teacher: No, you didn’t.

Kid me: How do you know that?

Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.

So many things are going through my head.

How am I not dead yet?

Hey I have a joke for you.

My life hahah. I wanna die.

I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95

My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.