My jokes

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

Orphans around my area only watched Youtube Shorts.

I asked them and then realized they can't click the home button.

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.

What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?

Panera fed.

Credit to RogueRobot for this one:

What does Panera sleep in?

Panera bed.

What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?

Panera Ned.

I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!

"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."

My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"

Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.

My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.

I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?

The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.

Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.

His parents weren't too happy.

I've got a job defusing landmines.

It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

I went to school on a Saturday. My teacher asked why I am here, so I replied that my brother told me to go to hell.

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."