My jokes
Gemini, it is you who is trying to start such a big mess for no reason. I never said it had a charm or a lead roll. I just want love and spread kindness. PS: I use my brain. I use it all the time, just for your information. I just hope we can be friends.
Best, Gwen
Oh, fuckshit, bitch, damn cocksucker.
Pussy, asshole, cunt.
Mother fuckin' dirty whore, shat onto my lunch.
Pisscunt, damn bitch, suck my dick.
Jesus Harold Christ!
Shit bitch, cocksucker, Goddamn motherfucker, pussy, asshole cunt!
The last thing I said to my dog was,
"Play dead."
Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?
I've been looking for my parents for years.
For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.
I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.
I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.
Why does my dad hate me? Really, please tell me, I'm tired of the constant abuse and pain.
A family of three, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom.
“You’re right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son.
“The lie isn’t that you’re adopted,” says the dad.
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9, my basement is still dark!
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
My friend went to the zoo yesterday. There was only one dog in a crate.
He said it was a Shitzoo!
My sister's friends are hilarious, like seriously, haha.
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.
My dad starts laughing at me.
Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”
Me: “Why dad?”
Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.