My jokes

My grandpa has the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

On this website, I just searched up "My jokes". In response, it said, "No jokes found." Wth.

Who wants to be my boyfriend?

My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.

My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

Teacher's pen is RED, our pen is BLUE, she is marking an EGG on my marksheet, left with questions and no CLUE.

My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!

For 9/11, I decided to bomb my twins.

It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...

He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.

What does the plane that hit the Twin Towers and milk have in common?

My dad went to get both and never came back.

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?

When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.

Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"