My Jokes

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was on LSD. "I See a Dreamer."

Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.

What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

Once my friend saw my wrist, slapped it and said "I like ya cuts, G!"

yaaaaa

A split image of a chihuahua. On the left, it's snarling with teeth bared and the text says "My voice in real life". On the right, it's smiling sweetly and the text says "My customer service voice".

I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.

Roses are red, grass is greener.

When I think of you, I play with my weiner.

Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)

My grandpa has the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

On this website, I just searched up "My jokes". In response, it said, "No jokes found." Wth.

My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.

I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆

Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?

My Friend: What’s that?

Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

My mates threw nuts at the wall, now we call them walnuts.

Hahaha :)

Ahaha, I'm laughing because my friend is so black his mama killed the clown.

Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?

Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...

What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Tesla?

I don’t have a Tesla in my garage.

My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!