My jokes

I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!

What should I sell my dragon for?

Dragon these balls across yo face!

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

Teacher told me to turn in my essay, but I ain't no snitch, fool.

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.

Guy: Where are they then?

Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].

To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?

JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.

Are you my friend?

Because I would make you more than that.

My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

I know I've changed my name from tj to selfish king but know it's gunna be selfishking#781.

I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.

Who wants to be my boyfriend?

Bianca: Mr. Doeken, even though I completed my test, you still said it was "late." Why is that?

Mr. Dowon: Bianca, for the LAST TIME, MY LAST NAME IS DOWON!

Bianca (🤨): Are you sure?

Mr. Dowon (😒): What do you need, Bianca?

Bianca: It's Bianca!

Mr. Dowon: Are you sure?

I wish my grass was emo, so then it could cut itself.

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

Hello, I'm C-3PO. And this is my brother, WD-40.