My jokes
How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?
JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.
My dad said he'd get the milk, but he forgot I was in his car.
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"
"Give away my Money, No Papa,"
"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.
My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".
My friends: "I dare you to go home."
Teacher told me to turn in my essay, but I ain't no snitch, fool.
Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....
Good thing my brother's a little bit different.
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
What should I sell my dragon for?
Dragon these balls across yo face!
I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”
I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.
To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.
For Charlie D'Amelio fans, my basement is your home now. Leave a like if you agree with me.
My teacher says no phones allowed. I say my phone is allowed because I’m nobody, Dania.
I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."