My jokes

What's the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!

Who's in my ass?

Your sister.

You're so ugly when a pig saw you, he said, "Yes, my brother is back."

Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.

Friend: Why?

Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.

My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.

My teacher called me beautiful. I hate when she lies.

Are you acid, cause I want to throw [you] at my face?

My grandpa said this generation relies too much on tech, so I unplugged his life support.

You go h dichotomy lol what do you want to what what’s the name for the address for sure what’s what I name it says I name it lol I don’t o I have to get r CB n nu set set e Okay okay I’ll be at my place.

My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".

My friends: "I dare you to go home."

I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.

Once my friend saw my wrist, slapped it and said "I like ya cuts, G!"

I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.

Roses are red, grass is greener.

When I think of you, I play with my weiner.

Teacher's pen is RED, our pen is BLUE, she is marking an EGG on my marksheet, left with questions and no CLUE.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.