My jokes

During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.

He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

My grandpa said this generation relies too much on tech, so I unplugged his life support.

Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.

One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.

Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.

Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.

What's the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.

What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?

Panera fed.

Credit to RogueRobot for this one:

What does Panera sleep in?

Panera bed.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!

"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."

Yo mama so fat, she sat on my dick and broke it.

My wife is so fat.

She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.

I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!

My friend's mom: Why you bully me?

I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.

Orphans around my area only watched Youtube Shorts.

I asked them and then realized they can't click the home button.

I can't have my Oreos 😭 Why?

My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.