My jokes
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"
Teacher's pen is RED, our pen is BLUE, she is marking an EGG on my marksheet, left with questions and no CLUE.
Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?
Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...
My grief counselor died the other day.
He was so good at his job, I don't even care.
My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.
My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."
I like my humans like I like my chicken... Fully cooked.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leaf. “Leaf” who? Leaf my house, or else you will regret it. You don’t live here, you dumb idiot! ?!
I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
The pie tasted weird today.
Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.
I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
Your hairline is so far back that I can't even back out of my car.
Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,
he is my only motivation for trying again.
All these 9/11 jokes need to stop.
My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loves: flying planes.