My jokes
A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Your hairline be lookin' like my negative bank account balance -1,000,000.
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
Hii! Oh my gosh. It has been forever! How have you guys been? Comment your favorite movie!!!! <3
Memes
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
My tower is hard, but after six minutes, it fell over.
My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.
I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.
What are three things the Twin Towers have in common with my dad? They are big, sexy, and smashed your mom.
The sexy towers are just like my sexy toes because when I crashed a plane into the tower, it burned and bled.
I wish my grass was emo, it would cut itself.
I got $1,000,000 for my brother. Best trade I ever made!
You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?
I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.
My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.
Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95
I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!