My jokes
Oh, you just got owned, like my ancestors.
Battery 1%.
I take one last look at Earth as my suit runs out of power.
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.
One more 360 noscope for my montage.
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All I got was dust and my mom's wig.
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.
Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.
My Grandpa was supposed to be in 9/11, but airport security got him.
The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.
If you say "slay" in my comments I will follow all of you lmao who are signed in.
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-