My jokes

One time, a cow saved my life.

It was bovine intervention.

Most embarrassing moment during sex, GO!

James Arnold: My grandma walked in while I was knife raping my wife.

Hi, I'm Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are hee/hee.

I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.

POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.

The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."

Me and my friends were telling puns. My teacher said we should be “pun-ished.”

Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.

Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.

Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.

Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.

I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?

If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.

If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!

My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.

My brackets are so high on my teeth, they must be smoking something.

Mom: Son, did you go to school?

Son: What if I said yes?

Mom: You are in school! *slap*

Son: Mom, I am moving out and I am moving in with my girlfriend.

Mom: You are with...? Please don't move out =(

Son: Mom, stop! So what if I am moving out? I am moving into my girlfriend's home. It's only for school.

Mom: Well, you are kicked out of my home!

Son: Good.

Mom: I am sad now. Why did he move out?

If you like it, please commit down.

My friends.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating, and I said to her, "You're starting to sound like my wife."

What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"

Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?

That's what happened to my dog.

I wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor. I need some parts for my laptop.

If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My father didn’t beat cancer.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My life.

My life who?

My life is depressing...

Hi guys, the prankster is back!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!

Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!

my grandfather cant a woman's taco anymore cause his balls fell off from getting to many tacos