My jokes

Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3

My balls are high, just like the towers, but when something impales them, they begin to sag.

My friend died from Ligma!

Ligma balls.

My Wife: How much do you love me??

Me: Count all the stars.

My Wife: Aww, infinity.

Me: No, a waste of time.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.

Want to know what I do in my freetime?

Punch an orphan, cuz what are they going to do, tell their mom?

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

I love trash bags because they remind me of my heart... black.

My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.

Kid 1: Guys, stop making 9/11 jokes. My dad died in 9/11.

Kid 2: Sorry, I didn't know.

Kid 1: He was the best fighter pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.

I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!

Scan my wrist for 75% off!

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.

What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.

I rate my dad as a pilot 9 out of 11.

My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."