My jokes
Josh: Tell me something funny.
Mark: My life.
Y'all, I'm suspended till Wednesday and can't do much cuz I'm on a tablet, not my computer. Tell autterpop I won't be on till Wednesday or after.
My black friend turned off the lights and suddenly disappeared.
My therapist said time heals all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait...
My girlfriend has a huge crush on Jupiter, I mean she fell HARD!
Memes
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.
My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
Lick my nut.
Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"
"Hee hee touch my pp."
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"
Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
Hey guess what...
What...
My penis is big.
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Sadly, blind jokes are cruel. A kid at my school was punched the other day for being blind.
Sadly, he didn't see it coming.
My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:
I thought Soap could trust you. And so did I too. So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!
My brother can't wait for spring... he wet his plants!
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"