My jokes
My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
"Hee hee touch my pp."
"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"
My black friend turned off the lights and suddenly disappeared.
Memes
Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"
Lick my nut.
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.
Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!
I hate when people make jokes about the Twin Towers.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
Hey guess what...
What...
My penis is big.
Sadly, blind jokes are cruel. A kid at my school was punched the other day for being blind.
Sadly, he didn't see it coming.
One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.
My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:
I thought Soap could trust you. And so did I too. So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!
My brother can't wait for spring... he wet his plants!
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"