My jokes

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

What did Michael Jackson say before he broke up with Billie Jean?

"Billie Jean is not my lover!"

I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.

What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?

They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.

A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"

"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."

I played Kobe Bryant on 2k14, but my console somehow kept crashing.

Orphan: Am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there.

Orphan: Realizes.

My friend told me to name a country in Africa.

So I said, "Hungry."

My dad died in 9/11. He was a Muslim pilot.

My dad killed Hitler.

Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!

My favorite sex position is the “JFK,” I splatter all over her as she screams to get out of the car 😂

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"

I would tell you a joke about my dink, but it's too long.

My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.

So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?

Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.

Roses are red, violets are blue, When I see you, I play with my poo.

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.