My jokes

My sister: You were born ugly.

Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and kids?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.

There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.

My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.

My arm has a different texture than the rest of me, lol.

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.

My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.

Do you work at Subway? Because you turn my 6 inch into a footlong.

I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"

My dog died. I'm so sad.

What is the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?