My jokes

I asked my boyfriend who his favorite motivational speaker was. He said Andrew Tate. I told him the BEST motivational speaker was Stephen Hawking.

Cremation is my only hope for a hot, smoking body.

There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?

He's Dahmer's son @domink.

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!

"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."

And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"

My great grandpa killed Hitler.

My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, "Just you wait!"

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:

I got it from her when I was born.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like all the passengers on the plane he was flying.

What do Myspace and my dad have in common?

I haven't seen them in a while.

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.

But I got seven Up.

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

Your forehead is so big you can headbutt my face and chest at the same time.

My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.

My sister 🤣😂

The last thing I said to my dog was,

"Play dead."

🎵Penaldo Thrills🎵

C’mon c’mon turn the VAR on.

It's Penalty time and it won't be long.

Gotta dive and cry some more.

It's Penalty time and it won't be long.

‘Til I Hit the floor and dive alot.

Cry some more and dive alot. That all I need, because I got u my love, Penalty.