My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.
My Jokes
Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.
One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!
My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.
It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.
"Hippity hoppity, don't abolish my property!"
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?
"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my other girlfriend.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
Do you know what my favorite time of day is?
6:30, hands down.
My dad is nice!
Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.
What is the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage!
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 buckle some more.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 open the door.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
