My jokes

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

Lick my BALLS!

I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...

But then I changed my mind.

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?

"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

Do you know what my favorite time of day is?

6:30, hands down.

My dad is nice!

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my other girlfriend.

My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.

It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.

"Hippity hoppity, don't abolish my property!"

Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

What is the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage!

Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.

I have a Twin Towers model in my room.

It got infested with jumping spiders.

What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.

+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.

+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.

+1 Comet.