My jokes
Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.
Today I asked my phone, Siri, why am I still single?
And I activated the front camera! 😭😭😭😭😭
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.
My friend: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: O B C D.
I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!
Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?
Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 buckle some more.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 open the door.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...
He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.
Finish the lyrics: Can I put my...
I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.
My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"
I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.
Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.