My jokes

My friend looks like a homeless, thanks for the jokes.

My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.

So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D

Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?

I tried to hit G by putting D.

A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.

"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.

"Denise."

"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"

"Tom Junior."

This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"

I asked my boyfriend who his favorite motivational speaker was. He said Andrew Tate. I told him the BEST motivational speaker was Stephen Hawking.

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?" "Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.

I want my first time to be special.

Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My name is Ya.

Ya who?

Yahooooo!!!

My life, lmao.

What does your dad's cock and Darryl's Savouries have in common?

I want them both in my mouth!

Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.

One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"

"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.

"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.

"Are you mad?" The police asked.

"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.

"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.

"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.

To All The Naruto Fans:

Sharingan is red, Rasengans are blue, If you dare touch my daughter, I'll Chidori you!

Say, "Crack my fingers."

Now say that backwards...