A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
My Jokes
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!
Say "crack my finger" backwards.
What did the emo kid say to the cashier? ... "Scan my wrists."
I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!
What did The Rock say to his dad?
"I'm gonna Rock Bottom my cock down your throat!"
Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.
My attempt in 2021.
And my attempt this year.
What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.
My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.
An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"
What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?
My donation to the orphanage :)
I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.
My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.
I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.
A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.
