My Jokes

If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

Heyo, my children, hope you haven't forgotten about our cult!

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

The image shows a man with a confused expression. The text reads: "My blood cell's reaction after seeing me tear off a scab that took them 10 hours to make."

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

"Sticks and stones break my bones."

A crowbar does it so much quicker.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.

God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.

All that work wasted.

I wish my nails were emo so that they would cut themselves.

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."