My jokes

Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"

The priest says, "Because I'm a father."

Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."

The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."

Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."

My marriage was on the rocks, so I buried my wife under some.

My dad was a great pilot...

He died in 9/11.

My favorite dark joke is orphan jokes. For no apparent reason.

(If you see this joke with a blue "S" that's also me. I just have an acc now.)

Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*

All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?

People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!

People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)

I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

What do orphans use to make breakfast? My ass! 🤣🤣

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?

I tried to hit G by putting D.

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.

But I can break yours today, hopefully.

I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.

You can't YEE your last HAW!

But I put my BALLS in ur JAW.

The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.

Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.

Can I put my baaaalls in yo jaaaaws?

Hi, my name's Dixy.

Dixy Normis.

What should I sell my dragon for?

Dragon these balls across yo face!

What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?

I don't have a sex slave in my basement...

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

Lady: I am going to come to your house.

Man: Ok.

An hour later, the lady is at the man's house. The man meets her outside of the house.

Man: You are going to cum to my house!

And then he fucks her.