My jokes
Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?
Sure, man. I. H. O. P.
Wait, you ate my pee!!!
A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.
Donβt make jokes about 9/11. My dad was the best Middle Eastern pilot.
The Twin Towers are like my dad, they are never coming back.
I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!
Memes
ASIANS>!?!?!?
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
My dad went to get milk from Tescoβs.
He never came back.
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
Yo, Bloon... what bitch where the fuck my child support camo Bloon? πππππππ
So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."
Ok, so my brother made this, here it is:
Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken. Chicken who? Chicken garbage!
Ok I know it makes no sense, but he made it when he was like 3.
"Discuss the synopsis of this poem: My Friend Billy Has A Ten-Foot Willy."
My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.
My sister says Iβm annoying, or thatβs what I read in her diary.
I wish the grass outside of my house was emo, because it would cut itself.
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.
It's my fort knight.
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."