I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.
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Explanation
Explain Bear
Listen here, you knucklehead. You clearly don't understand that this person is being self-deprecating because they wouldn't even call the suicide hotline even if they needed it. You're clearly not a very smart bear, Morbid Al, and that's a fact, but this is an example of dark humor, and a cry for help masked as a joke.
Anonymous
I’ve done it, takes too long for them to pick up so I just hanged myself up.