My jokes

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.

It's in my basement.

My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?

They’re both in my bed.

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

While fucking, my sister said, "Brother, you are so naughty! You fucked our elder aunt every day in the absence of my uncle and cousins and made her pregnant!" Little did she know, I fucked our mother every day in the absence of her, my father, and my elder brother and made my mom pregnant as well!

What do you call an autistic person? Names.

I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.

Hi, I am just wondering who went into my account, 'cause I've changed my password, by the way.

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

My friend said my life was a joke.

No jokes have meaning.

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.

Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.

What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?

My clothes don't hang themselves.