My jokes

My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.

Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

My friend said my life was a joke.

No jokes have meaning.

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

My granddad killed Hitler.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.

What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?

My clothes don't hang themselves.

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.

My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.

Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

I started crying when my dad was chopping onions.

Onions was such a good dog!

"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker