My jokes

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.

"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

My friend said my life was a joke.

No jokes have meaning.

The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.

When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"

My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.

I was crying because my dad was cutting onions...

Onions was a good dog.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?

My clothes don't hang themselves.

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D

If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷