My jokes

My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.

My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.

My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.

When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"

I was crying because my dad was cutting onions...

Onions was a good dog.

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

My granddad killed Hitler.

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker

I started crying when my dad was chopping onions.

Onions was such a good dog!

If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

...is that a romantic jester?

"Mixed vegetables is just special ed class, change my mind."

They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!

My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.

I love the way the Earth rotates.

It really makes my day!