My jokes

I was crying because my dad was cutting onions...

Onions was a good dog.

My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."

My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.

My friend said my life was a joke.

No jokes have meaning.

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?

My clothes don't hang themselves.

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷

"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker