My jokes
My friend said my life was a joke.
No jokes have meaning.
So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
My granddad killed Hitler.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
Memes
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.
Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
I started crying when my dad was chopping onions.
Onions was such a good dog!
"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker
"Mixed vegetables is just special ed class, change my mind."
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
My mom was 19 when she was pregnant with me, My mom was 39 when she was pregnant by me!!!
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.
So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.
1 hour before:
So let me get...
Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!
Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*
Jonny went to school one day, and later that day his dad got a call saying he needed to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home, his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike, Jonny was offered to ride the bike, but he declined it and replied, "My butt still hurts."